Added later

And for the ones of you who have read this post long time ago and still await a lousy post from my side, know that since day one of writing that post I created my new blog which I update regularly. U can find it at the following addresse: mihaelahuluta.blogspot.com.

I'm sorry of forgetting to inform about this minor detail :P.

So for the ones that have this last addresse of my blog as a link on your blog, please be so kind to update it.

Huges Hugs,
Hash

I fell in love with the concept of blogging since day one...yet I've never though it could raise so many issues on my side. Recently I discovered that the hardest thing to do was to talk about my feelings, about me in such a public way. There were times when I was standing in front of the laptop and I could just not convert my feelings into words. Who would have thought that about me, the person that uses feelings as a compass for 99% of all situations.

Well, because there is no better day to start than today here it goes: I commit myself to updating this blogg with personal thoughts and things I gather from living the life I live right now.

I was recently evaluating the way my life has twisted and folded and how it all evolved. I thought about my early years in school and how having a teatcher that liked nature made me fall in love with it ....about how I would always quarrel with the boys in my class, standing up for making fun of me or of other girlz in the class...about the times spend in the german youthforum organisation, my first social group, my first boyfriend met there, and the first attemps to defining myself as an individual...and fianlly about AIESEC where I first learnt what respect ment, what being equal ment, what appreciating the ones around you and YOURSELF really ment.

And as Marin Sorescu said, there comes a time when you have to draw a line, to summ up all the things that have happened to you and to reach a conclusion.

Drawing the conclusions I have just shared with you, I feel that somethings is slowly coming to an end along with my University...and it's that feeling of certainty that you have, certainty related to your future.
There is no University year coming. Not even a Masters, I woun't make it that easy.
There will be so many other choices than just going to school or doing stuff inside AIESEC. There will be decisions that affect you on the long run and there's just YOU deciding what happenns so there is no one else to blame for consequences you're facing afterwards.

You know what the funny part is...I want all that!! I want to feel that I'm in charge of my life, to feel that that change is all around me in some sort of latent form. When I start thinking about it, I have that feeling in my stomach: a strange mixture of enthusiam and fear of not knowing what comes.

I'm not in my comfort zone any more-that's great, finally I'm starting to grow and look at things with my new set of blue eyes.

Here's to change,

Cheers.


Added later

And for the ones of you who have read this post long time ago and still await a lousy post from my side, know that since day one of writing that post I created my new blog which I update regularly. U can find it at the following addresse: mihaelahuluta.blogspot.com.

I'm sorry of forgetting to inform about this minor detail :P.

So for the ones that have this last addresse of my blog as a link on your blog, please be so kind to update it.

Huges Hugs,
Hash

The Androgin Story

While searching for ourselves in everything that surrounds us, we have two alternatives of percieving things. One-we can choose to have an highly critical and overanalyzing approach towards ourselves. The consequence of this, is that while looking outside, at the others, you're also gonna find just a frightening mirror of yourself, a mere reflection of all your faults.
Therefore,the first natural impluse is to be oppositional and sceptic towards others.

The second option we have, is to actually like what we see inside ourselves...to find a particular beauty...and to like it so much that you fall in love with it. And so a mystical moment occurs, when people find their second half and start behaving as a WHOLE. The effect on others is obvious, you start loving the YOU in THEM.

Up until now, I have been living under the impression that loving yourself is wrong, as it means you are a ego-centric and selfish person... now ...I come to realize that it is the best thing that can happen to humankind.

So how do you know if you love you know yourself? Basically, loving yourself means listening to your inner whispery voice and constantly finding time to answer to it.

I guess that sometimes while being in AIESEC you come to think that others needs are more important than your owns, but that isn't true. You are THE priority of your life.

The only P.S to this love letter for human beings, is that you have to able to accept the justiceness of this rule for EVERYBODY. Yes, as applying to all of us.

So the paradox of life within a society is that parallel lines (the ego-centered paths of individuals) cross each other, at the point of ultimate narcisism and come to interpreted as acts of altruism.

Leadership and Life...

This conference was just amaizing because of so many reasons: because of the people met, because of the feeling of belonging to something far bigger and greater than me and also because of the things I found out about myself.

During the closing plenary Dey, the PAI held a speech about the connection between leadership and life. He said that one common trace would be beauty.

Leadership means finding the inner beauty in people-finding their pure and rare kernel and making that specific person and the others around her, aware about it.
For me what this actually means is love-a feeling that up until now, I couldn't or was to afraid to find a definition for.

When you go through life some things, states or definitions that society nurtures you with, you tend not to question. Well, I consider each person as an unique dictionary where common society rules/terms do not count, because the definitions you give to the terms are only yours and they are a result of everything you felt and thought up until now concering that topic.

AIESEC has been up until now my Dictionary Support...it has been the environment where I questioned the status quo, I questioned my beliefs, my education and started term by term to redefine my dictionary so that in the end I will know: this is ME, this is what I belive ...

So now I'm excited and empowered as I defined another term from my dictionary that of love.

With love,
Hash

Am ajuns aseara la 12 de la conferinta. Eram "un pic" obosita, insa dupa vechea mea traditie a urmat o baie, dupa care in pat urma sa citesc sugarcube-urile primit. Am gasit pe perna o mica bratara care dadea mai mult inspre ceva rozar de la o manastire, nu-mi aminteam sa fi fost a mea asa ca mergand pe firul aceasta am dat perna la o parte. Sub ea am gasit o punguta cu flori mari de trandafir iar inauntru un set de parfum, l-am deschis, l-am mirosit, m-am improscat cu cativa stropi, si cum pentru cateva momente fusesem rapita de parfum mi-a venit din nou intrebarea in cap: cine? In punga am gasit si o vedere. Am regasit un scris familiar: era a lui tata, de data asta parea un pic nesigur, caci scrisul lui in pare intotdeauna ferm. Erau cateva urari pentru ziua mea, care se terminau in felul asta:
iti dorim.... fericire si o familie unita. Mama si tata
In momentul acela toate pareau sa faca sens: telefoanele mamei in jurul amiezii, apoi tata care ma suna si cand sunam inapoi nu era semnal...
m-am gandit la drumul lor pana in cluj, m-am gandit la mama si la ardoarea si minutiozitatea cu care planificase toata surpriza pentru mine. Am mers pana la frigider: spanac, ridichi, telemea si fasole frecata. Mancarea mea preferata.

8 ore de drum lung condus, 8 ore gatit in bucatarie, 7 ore de spalat rufe...oameni care dupa 21 de ani inca isi mai investesc ore in mine... pentru ce? pentru 3 ore de asteptat intr-o camera goala?
imi pare sincer rau, am stricat totul.

Un blog e ca si cand ai scrie o scrisoare care sa aiba ca destinatar un necunoscut. E greu sa te deschizi oricui. Insa din imposibilitatea asta reiese si frumusetea: ca oricine, poate fi la fel de bine si nimeni-si atunci tinzi sa simti ca in final parca esti tot tu si gandurile tale.

Un pas inainte. Un blog.